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  1. #1
    Shatterpoint is offline
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    Default I'm so tired of fighting suicide


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    I'm diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and I'm on medication for it. Before, I spent 3 years in hell itself, constantly suicidal and only holding on because something inside me refused to give in to a chemical imbalance. Constantly. Not every few days. Not part of the time. Every second.

    I went a few months without wanting to kill myself, but it's back. It's not the same as it was before, not as passionate, but it's back. I want to kill myself, and I want it badly. The only reason I'm not, is because of God. If I had one wish, just one wish, I would wish for a horrible accident to kill me. I don't care if its bloody, painful, silent, loud, long, slow, quick, fast...I just want to die.

    I'm not going to kill myself. I've fought this for too long to let it take me now. I'm just so tired of fighting it. It's so irritating that I have to fight it. My life is wonderful! I have my problems, but so does everyone else, so why do I want this?

    The worst part is that this isn't a chemical imbalance. This isn't the result of some emotional pain. This is me, calm and rational, wanting to kill myself. This isn't a threat or a warning or me trying to get attention. I'm not gonna do it, I just need a place to rant about how I'm tired of wanting to do it, and I post to much in the vent zone.



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  2. #2
    Shreyas is offline
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    Default Re: I'm so tired of fighting suicide

    why do you want to suicide ?
    think about the Question.

    what problems do you have ?
    Shreyas

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  3. #3
    Hurleyy is offline
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    Default Re: I'm so tired of fighting suicide

    Quote Originally Posted by Stone View Post
    I'm diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and I'm on medication for it. Before, I spent 3 years in hell itself, constantly suicidal and only holding on because something inside me refused to give in to a chemical imbalance. Constantly. Not every few days. Not part of the time. Every second.

    I went a few months without wanting to kill myself, but it's back. It's not the same as it was before, not as passionate, but it's back. I want to kill myself, and I want it badly. The only reason I'm not, is because of God. If I had one wish, just one wish, I would wish for a horrible accident to kill me. I don't care if its bloody, painful, silent, loud, long, slow, quick, fast...I just want to die.

    I'm not going to kill myself. I've fought this for too long to let it take me now. I'm just so tired of fighting it. It's so irritating that I have to fight it. My life is wonderful! I have my problems, but so does everyone else, so why do I want this?

    The worst part is that this isn't a chemical imbalance. This isn't the result of some emotional pain. This is me, calm and rational, wanting to kill myself. This isn't a threat or a warning or me trying to get attention. I'm not gonna do it, I just need a place to rant about how I'm tired of wanting to do it, and I post to much in the vent zone.

    I know how you're feeling dude. I lost my best friend about a 8 weeks ago, brother last year, and a friend before him last november. I have an alcoholic mother who adds on to the stress, and have everything else going for me, I would have no reason to feel this way but I do. I don't want to kill myself but i want to die, I want it to be over and just stop going through lifes POINTLESS shit, cause in fact whats the point? we suffer suffer and then our last minutes on this earth we suffer some more... But again i'm religion and im scarred of the whole going to hell after suicide, I wont bring myself to do it, but i want it done. Its getting better so im here for you if you need anything brother, I know its random online peeps but we gotta stick together.
    [17/m/Straight]

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    Default Re: I'm so tired of fighting suicide

    My guess is your ver very very bored with life, even though things are going great for you your just like "so what?" it will pass when something else in the world screws you over and you have something to focus your hate on.

  5. #5
    Shreyas is offline
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    Smile Re: I'm so tired of fighting suicide

    Quote Originally Posted by Hurleyy View Post
    I know how you're feeling dude. I lost my best friend about a 8 weeks ago, brother last year, and a friend before him last november. I have an alcoholic mother who adds on to the stress, and have everything else going for me, I would have no reason to feel this way but I do. I don't want to kill myself but i want to die, I want it to be over and just stop going through lifes POINTLESS shit, cause in fact whats the point? we suffer suffer and then our last minutes on this earth we suffer some more... But again i'm religion and im scarred of the whole going to hell after suicide, I wont bring myself to do it, but i want it done. Its getting better so im here for you if you need anything brother, I know its random online peeps but we gotta stick together.

    You have suffered from lot of problems, but before thinking of suiciding you must not forget that life is not limited to your best friend, or family. There are many more people whom you have to meet in further part of life. Don't think that you are going to suffer every moment on the earth. Now, you are just remembering the sad days of the life but wasn't there any day you were not happy? there were many but At this moment you are just remembering those sad days. Think of those happy days you have spent. There were many who have suffered more than you and then say to yourself " At least I have this_____ but this guy doesn't have __". SO you are better than him. You must find ways that makes you happy. Read the lines of some poem in my signature.
    Shreyas

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  6. #6
    Shatterpoint is offline
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    Default Re: I'm so tired of fighting suicide

    Quote Originally Posted by edwin View Post
    why do you want to suicide ?
    think about the Question.

    what problems do you have ?

    I don't have that many problems. I mean, I do, but nothing I can't handle. I just don't want life. I don't have a purpose. What purpose is there in fighting to live a good life if in the end, we die anyway? Why suffer? Sure, theres good and wonderful things, but if theres suffering along the way, how does temporary good matter?


  7. #7
    Shreyas is offline
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    Default Re: I'm so tired of fighting suicide

    Quote Originally Posted by Stone View Post
    I don't have that many problems. I mean, I do, but nothing I can't handle. I just don't want life. I don't have a purpose. What purpose is there in fighting to live a good life if in the end, we die anyway? Why suffer? Sure, theres good and wonderful things, but if theres suffering along the way, how does temporary good matter?

    Everyone just remember the suffering he has to go through, there were many things that were good and wonderful but most of the time; we never remember about them.You are just 17, not even your half of the life is over so ; you cant say that you have suffered a lot, you have enjoyed many more things than you have suffered but at this moment you are just remembering the worse things which have happened with you. even the first day of your school was a good thing.
    there are many small happiness that are hidden but it is dependent you to find them and enjoy them.
    Shreyas

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  8. #8
    Shatterpoint is offline
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    Default Re: I'm so tired of fighting suicide

    Quote Originally Posted by edwin View Post
    Everyone just remember the suffering he has to go through, there were many things that were good and wonderful but most of the time; we never remember about them.You are just 17, not even your half of the life is over so ; you cant say that you have suffered a lot, you have enjoyed many more things than you have suffered but at this moment you are just remembering the worse things which have happened with you. even the first day of your school was a good thing.
    there are many small happiness that are hidden but it is dependent you to find them and enjoy them.

    But why should I? Why should I spend my time with consciousness fighting to find joy and happiness if in the end, I die? What point is there in being happy? It ends. Theres no reward for a happy life.

    My point is that in the end, we die. Why the hell would I go through a painful physical life (normal pain. life pain) just to die?


  9. #9
    Shreyas is offline
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    Default Re: I'm so tired of fighting suicide

    Quote Originally Posted by Stone View Post
    But why should I? Why should I spend my time with consciousness fighting to find joy and happiness if in the end, I die? What point is there in being happy? It ends. Theres no reward for a happy life.

    My point is that in the end, we die. Why the hell would I go through a painful physical life (normal pain. life pain) just to die?
    Instead of asking "why should I ?" you must ask "why shouldn't I ?".

    if there isn't any point in being Happy then" is there any point in being sad ? " no there isn't any. Instead of wasting time in thinking Negative you must utilize your time in thinking positive. You don't want to spend time in finding joy then why are spending time in finding sorrow. Forget that things that has happened with you. Live life. Life is what we make it. You can make certain goals and try accomplishing them. Spending time in completing your goals may help you not thinking of negative side of the life. Read the lines of some poem in my signature.
    Shreyas

    Former Countries and Cultures Moderator

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