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Thread: Depressed about being gay

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    Default Depressed about being gay


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    Looking back at it, I have always liked guys in a way more than friendship. However, what with today's negative views on non-heterosexuality, I ignored it for ages and often just passed it off as mild curiosity. Although, eventually, I did begin to realise I wasn't 'straight'. From thinking I was a bisexual, I then realised I was 'gay'.

    Before I go any further, I must state that my family, friends and general people around me are mainly homophobic and those that aren't are unable a secret such as this. One of my friends actually stated that he feels homosexuals should be burned at the stake! As you might expect, this has made it difficult to talk to anyone in real about how I currently feel. Even with those around me that aren't homophobic, I get the perfect opportunity to tell them and 'chicken out'. Every time I attempt to tell somebody, I get all nervous and just can't.

    You might ask why I'd be wishing to tell some people about my probable orientation at such a young age, and the answer is that I am unhappy living like this. I'm living a lie! My friends constantly try to 'hook me up' with some girls in my class or ask me why I have yet to have a girlfriend, and I hate having to deceive them like this. Plus, to be honest, I feel lonely. Whilst others my friends are beginning to stop hanging out with me and start taking interest in girls, I simply cannot be with the one I want.

    There is this guy in my class and, to put simply, I have a gigantic crush on him. He has perfect hair, teeth, eyes, skin and...well...he's hot. He also has an amazing personality, is intelligent, athletic and can make me laugh. Unfortunately, he is seemingly straight and quite against homosexuality as far as I can tell. Regardless of how hard I try, however, I simply am unable to get him out of my mind. I yearn for him and just can't seem to be happy without him.

    Combine this with some non-sexual related issues and I'm beginning to feel really depressed. The things I want are out of my reach, I'm living a lie, my grandparents are on there last days and my parents are always arguing. Sorry for creating such a long 'rant', but this is the last place I can honestly turn to.


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    Default Re: Depressed about being gay

    Talk to people on here about it, and don't be depressed about it. There's nothing to be ashamed of.
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    Default Re: Depressed about being gay

    First of all give yourself more time to get used to the idea. Remember you have not changed at all, you are the same person you always were. Your friend probably thinks all gay guys wear tight leathers, carry a handbag and talk like Julian Clary. If he found out that you are gay if might force him to rethink all of his ideas. Sometimes boys say those things to try and suggest that they are 110 percent straight when in fact its because they are curious too and not completely comfortable about their own sexuality. That's normal for most boys when the hormones are enjoying party time. Let me know if you need someone to talk to.
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    Default Re: Depressed about being gay

    Quote Originally Posted by JustNick View Post
    Sometimes boys say those things to try and suggest that they are 110 percent straight when in fact its because they are curious too and not completely comfortable about their own sexuality. That's normal for most boys when the hormones are enjoying party time. Let me know if you need someone to talk to.
    I can actually relate to this.

    When i was younger, i was extremely shy around girls. Msn/texting oh so simple, but in person i could not be myself at all. I gamed alot because there i could be myself 100%. One day while i hung out with a girl i was really into, her parents left. (Looking back i can totally notice all the signals and hints yet..) I was to shy and had no confidence to go in for at least a kiss! That night she asked me if i was gay. This hurt me so deep. I broke all my computer game discs.. 250$ ugh.. anyways. later on that year, this girl asked me out i said no, more because i wasnt really into her. Her friend decided to tell everyone that i was gay. Once again not the truth at all and really hurt my feelings. I started to feel animosity towards gay people because i feared that if i did anything remotely considered "gay" it would be picked up on and i would get teased for it. I felt this way and had distaste for gay people for a couple years til i turned 16. When i decided to really try and come out of my shell. Got a girlfriend, girls were into me and i had finally gotten over my insecurities.

    I feel bad for those feelings i harbored. But now i have friends that are gay, and have no feelings what so ever like i used to. Gay people are just as amazing as straight people. And often times even more loving.

    Never feel bad for who you are. Be proud and love yourself.

    (Hopefully that wasnt too much storytelling)
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    Default Re: Depressed about being gay

    To be honest dude, it happens to a lot of us. You just have to give yourself time to truly realise that you are still the same person you have always been. It's sort of "life changing" in a sense, but give yourself time to accept it completely as being just a small part of what makes you, you. Be confident in that person, don't like societal pressures make you feel like shit. You are who you are, embrace it. Be happy with it. It's what makes us all unique is our differences. Don't be ashamed of that.

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    Default Re: Depressed about being gay

    Being gay and 13 is just shit. You're insecure about you're own sexuality while at the same time you notice everybody making homophobic comments, which only makes your homosexuality a bigger deal and thus makes you think about it even more and makes you feel more insecure and like a total piece of crap. It has taken way too long for me to personally talk to someone about it. If you do think there's someone you can trust it might be worth talking to him or her, just because it can take the load of your shoulders.

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    Default Re: Depressed about being gay

    Quote Originally Posted by Brad387 View Post
    Looking back at it, I've always liked guys in a way more than friendship. For ages, I passed it off as just 'curiosity' and stuff. But around six months ago, I began to realise I might not be straight. From thinking I was bisexual, I then realised I'm probably gay.

    Whilst I know this might sound silly, ever since then I've been feeling quite down. I don't feel like I 'fit in' with my friends and family. Even though I've considered telling one of them, I decided not to after discovering their extremely homophobic views. One of my friends actually stated that he thinks homosexuals should be burned at the stake!

    Does anyone know how I can become more confident about my sexuality? Just at the moment I feel like utter crap and the only place I feel comfortable talking openly about my orientation is here (believe it or not).
    We probably live within spitting distance of each other: very, very few people in this area are homophobic. Hell, at your age I am amazed that people even really know what sexuality is. I'm not trying to be patronising but there is a distinct reality which puts its hand up at the back of the class and shouts shit like:

    "Srs, I'm just repeating what my dad says."
    "It'd be uncool if people thought I was gay."
    "What if people think I'm gay?"
    "I might be gay."

    Now, that isn't to say you should come out (you shouldn't until you are 100% ready); it does say, however, that when you do it is likely to be 50% less painful than you imagine. Rest assured, most people's prejudices are not legitimate hate, but rather they are fluff to make sure they fit in.

    It is only logical to feel depressed or down about your sexuality: being gay means you are very definitely not included in the 'in-group' which, most people agree, is what we really yearn for in most of our interactions. To put it another way, being gay DOES make you different. That difference is not important, though, and you should bear that in mind. It is stupid and ugly to hate something you can't change. It's like having a passionate hatred for having brown hair: that is how unimportant it is in this sense.

    You should make sure you don't define yourself by your sexuality. YES, you might be gay, but so what? It's 1/10th of 1/10th of what makes you, you. You aren't a 'gay person' you're a person who happens to be gay. The sooner you realise that, the sooner you will realise that you don't need other people's acceptance to ensure your happiness. I mean, my friends have traits I fucking hateeeeeeeeee; one of them says "surely" all the time and it makes me want to punch her in the face, but I don't because I love her. Whilst being gay is bigger than this, don't worry that people will only see you as "that gay."

    The best thing to do is to come to terms with who you are. You don't need to tell people to get comfortable. I would DEFINITELY advice AGAINST telling anyone, because they sound silly. You're only 13, and nothing is set in stone. You don't need to be "become" more confident, rather you just WILL as you mature and grow. Confidence is not something that can be split up into little pieces: you can't be really confident at public speaking but crap at conversation. Confidence in who you are--what you look like, how your voice sounds, how you act, what you say, your sexuality etc.--will come together eventually.

    Remember: things are changing; your life will never be perfect, but you will be happier when you realise that it's a waste of time even trying to make it so. Accept what you have and work with that.
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    Default Re: Depressed about being gay

    I know being gay is not all I am, but others do not always see it like that. I wanted to come out in the hope of someone being like me. I've got a major crush on someone and yearn for them everyday to be honest. Thanks for all your advice anyway. I'm still not sure what to do though...

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    Default Re: Depressed about being gay

    It is okay to be gay! Be who you are! That is the best thing you can do for yourself because you know that you're being real. It is hard and many are homophobic. But if you know that you have friends who are okay with people who are gay try and talk to them. Friends are friends and the ones who are real friends will stick by you! You can talk to me about how you feel too. I am always open to talking and helping people more in depth than just one forum post

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    Default Re: Depressed about being gay

    Quote Originally Posted by Brad387 View Post
    I know being gay is not all I am, but others do not always see it like that. I wanted to come out in the hope of someone being like me. I've got a major crush on someone and yearn for them everyday to be honest. Thanks for all your advice anyway. I'm still not sure what to do though...
    Yh but what does it matter how people see you? If you don't define yourself by being gay, what does it matter if people are uncomfortable around gays? You don't have to be out to have friends--I don't buy that all your friends have to accept every part of you. Obviously, when you've grown up and can reasonably surround yourself with people who aren't fucking retarded (i.e. when you're not forced into friendship based solely on 'they're in my class'), you can get friends who will love that you're a fag. Srs, my housemates wouldn't trade me for the world: who doesn't want to bake bagels and listen to Justin Bieber in their pants? Exactly.

    Without meaning to psychologise it up in hyurrrr, you're associating being comfortably gay with happiness in a relationship with your crush. The two are not the same. Being out and happy and having that loveliness and flowers wouldn't necessarily mean your crush gave you a second thought. Try to separate the two. Realise that he is not a legitimate prospect and then you might realise that there is no decent reason to suddenly rush into being 'that guy'.

    There are other people like you (roughly between 1/7 and 1/20--the studies are various and most are flawed), but it's not like we all hang out at a club. Although, funny story... Nah I'm messing with you. (I'm not). Or am I? (No). You're only 13 and whilst I know life is fucking horrible at 13 there are other things you can focus on. Sexuality doesn't need to be forced, analysed, or toyed with. Treat it organically: imagine being gay as you would bringing a flower to life. You don't want to saturate it and drown it (by coming out and being all I'M GAY GAYGAYGAYGYAGAYGA); but you don't want to let it wither and die either (by disliking who you are and being annoyed with the situation).

    Take it from me, and I'm, like, 300 years old or some shit: things do get better.
    My god! Is this pure ideology? That. Is. Bananas​.

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